I woke up in the middle of nowhere.
Dusting off my medium toned skin and all brown clothing I thought “I’m going to blend into the scenery perfectly.”
I ran around trying to find things to help me survive and ended up getting some bandages, soda, evaporated milk and a scope.
I was thirsty so I popped the top and drank back a warm swig of soda… I was thinking… what the hell… soda makes you more thirsty… this isn’t going to end well. Sure enough, I drank about 4 of those fuckers in the first hour.
Let me tell you, eating POWDERED MILK and then drinking something that makes you MORE thirsty isn’t really an ideal combination.
Anyway, lucky for me I found a pack of gum so that should keep my mouth from drying ou……. ZOMBIE! It’s a girl zombie and she’s kinda of hot for an undead chick but she won’t stop following me so I’m forced to fight.
I beat her… to death… with a pack of gum. She fell to the ground like 5 times (and I kept getting an icon on her when she was on the ground of a machine gun and 3 bullets – wtf is that?) and then she finally died. I beat her like I was Ice Cube in Boyz N The Hood and she just took my weed.
I continued to break into more houses and realized just how terrible these people are at decorating and general storage of dry goods and then called it a day. I’m exhausted, thirsty and I’m all out of bubble gum.
Next up: Kicking Ass.